The hours may be bad, but the minutes... the minutes are fantastic

Me again.

First day at Derby today, and I've got to say I'm frikkin glad to be back! The hospital is still shiny, the staff are friendly and, most importantly, the car parking is nearer than ever before.

Things started well, with free coffee (that, had I have not arrived 25 minutes early with my glamorous car-pool buddy, Ki-ora... or some spelling like that, and bought a coffee for a wallet stripping £0.35, I might have taken advantage of better. No worries though; as my ever disappointed mother always says at Christmas, it's the thought that counts. Glad you enjoyed those oven gloves, mum.), a group saturated with people I don't want to stab in the face and most importantly of all things: no vaginas. Well I imagine there were some vaginas there, but they were tastefully taken off display for once.

Who am I kidding, if ONLY they'd been on display on O&G, then it might have SUCKED SLIGHTLY LESS ASS.

Now now, Geoff, enough of this moaning. In time, with lots of therapy, you may learn to accept what has happened in the past and move on.

*cough*

So Will Carroll, half muppet (the felt kind not the prat kind), half Simpson's character, three quarters public speaker, nine eights compound time signature and all round enthusiastic muchacho, introduced us to the course which will apparently include so much teaching that we'll be as taught as a virgin's jock strap at a strip club (he didn't use this joke but, frankly, he should have) by the end of it. As he said it I could hear, in the far distance, someone from City hospital, where I was for O&G, die of shock at the thought that medical students should be in some way educated during their attachment. This pleased me.

He then taught us the 3 rules of Paediatrics

1. Never talk about Paediatrics
2. Never talk about Paediatrics
3. NEVER TALK ABOUT PAEDIATRICS

Or was that Fight Club, I forget, anyway whatever the 3 rules are he made damn sure than no-one forgot them by the end of the day.

No-one at all.

After this, and copious more free tea/coffee/laser eye treatment, we were released onto the wards to take a history from a child. Sadly I can't think of anything 'hilarious' about this to talk about and can only state my jealousy about the fact that the super-cute boy we spoke to had Nintendo DS skillz that were more l33t than mine. We then got a tour, also reasonably uneventful, except that he told us how special we are and how we should take any shit from anyone cos we put £1,200 a week EACH into the hospital so we should get our money's worth. This, I assume, means the provision of oiled bikini models, I shall be unimpressed if not.

More happiness was dished out to me when I returned to the lab where I do washing up to an elated welcome from the staff, and MOST EXCITINGLY OF ALL, there was lashings and lashings of ambrosia Devon Acetone there for me to clean those troublesome pen marks off the beakers.

What, stop looking at me like that?

So anyway the rest of the day was taken up learning interesting things and getting an oscar winning pep talk from Dr Will about how amazing Paediatrics is and how one's life would be complete by specialising in it. This talk was so gripping that I imagine he could have recruited an army of students to become neo-nazis to overthrow the government, had that have been his aim.

Key points to remember

Paediatrics: Awesome
Derby: Awesomer
Drugs: Bad

Now I hope not to write a blog for a while now so that the next one is actually INTERESTING IN SOME WAY, so keep checking back for more fun fun updates.