Life is such an embarrassment.

It seems that I spend much of my life being mortified at myself for doing something horribly embarrassing and the ever pressured world of med school doesn't exactly help matters. In the last 3 weeks, since our final year (woop woop, soon we'll be doctors and then we're only £8k a year worse off than tube drivers! Go us!) began I think i've probably done something humiliating on average once every 8.69 seconds.

Today, for example, when I went to leave the ward after waiting around for teaching from Dr McCance which was McCancelled (that everyone but me knew was cancelled) I said goodbye to the only person who's name I know, James, and was about to leave the door when a nurse, of unknown name, said something which could have been 'yea, and goodbye to you too!', but in hindsight could have been frankly anything most likely 'can you write me up for some insulin, Doctor'. Desperate to not look horrible and to be liked by the nursing staff I rushed up to the woman, apologising in what was probably a mumbled and incomprehensible way and asked her for her name so that I could say goodbye to her too.

Who would do that?

I then wished her goodbye too, turned to leave, tripped over a chair leg and stumbled to the door, which I attempted to prop open (as is it's normal position) and, whilst failing to do this, noticed another person in the room who I had completely ignored in this whole, trying to say goodbye fiasco, and decided to cut my losses and just get out of there. Upon walking down the corridor i bumped into Bev, the now named nurse, and said goodbye AGAIN, like a TOTAL PRAT.

Why do I do these things, I swear my social awkwardness grows with each passing day!

And that's just when I'm sober,

I went to a party at the weekend at a house in which live about 7 girls, all of whom I'm very intimidated by (except Mhairi, who intimidates me only with her unspellable name). Usually when I bump into said girls in the hospital I say something horrendously inappropriate like 'Hey, nice breasts today' or, even more likely, just fail to say anything at all and stand wide eyed, drooling slightly, as they edge, mace in hand, towards the nearest escape route. In order to get over my fears and act like all the other medical students, filled to the brim with confidence and knowledge of whatever, the fuck, the offside rule is I decided to get horrifically drunk (mistake?) and, as ever, go on and on and on and on about how amazing Dave is, while Dave is there, in an attempt to well, who even knows. All we do know is the effect: pissing off Dave and making me look like a douche. *Sigh*

Other drunken times were had at Tash's Parents 25th Wedding Anniversary/Renewal of Vows Extraveganza and Disco. Where I a) had an awkward moment with Kay Ralph when I went to hug her but then didn't want to incase I destroyed her likely very expensive dress, and then got accused of not being a huggy person so then hugged her for an inappropriately long time, groping an inappropriate amount of her ass (ok maybe there was no ass groping). Following that, I proceeded to try doing cartwheels every time I went to the toilet, spent 20 minutes telling Tash's dad how amazing he and all that he touches is, spent 40 minutes telling Sir Robert McAlpine (or similar) how amazing Hywel is while Hywel tried desperately, and soberly, to shut me the fuck up and then spent at least an hour telling someone who will remain nameless but knows who she is that, despite being flat chested, she's great in so many other ways that noone cares.

I learned later on that I ALREADY HAD THAT CONVERSATION WITH HER SEVERAL WEEKS PREVIOUSLY WHILST DRUNK THE FIRST TIME.

Couple to that my intense awkwardness around the hospital Doctors, mainly because they have initial faith in me but then lose it as soon as the pool of blood from my cannulation attempts starts ebbing up their trouser leg, and you get the reason for my return to blogdom from relative silence and it is this: To all that read this blog, I'm not really a complete tool, I just appear to be one. Now love me.