Much has happened in my 2 years of being a medical student, some of it superbly gratifying, a little of it terribly sobering but most of it highly embarrassing. Highlights before O&G included;
- stopping an entire room of doctors in their tracks by suggesting a good way to deal with a patient's annoying relative might be to 'stab them in the face'
- reducing an onlooking team of students to tears of mirth as, when faced with an arresting (that means about to die) simulated patient, I breathed a sigh of disapproval, rolled my eyes, and placed my hands firmly on my hips as if so say 'well dang', before leaving them to die. When I say die, of course, I mean DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AS IT WAS A COMPUTER, PEOPLE *cough* yes...
- playing Phil Collin's 'Against All Odds' at high volumes on my iPhone to help a fellow student through the stresses of having his blood taken, then turning to notice the 10 or so horrified nursing staff glaring at me. Obviously they were not fans of the Philster, heathens.
These situations, and the many others that I either have forgotten or have blocked out, trifle though in comparison to the events during Obs and Gynae.
Of course, O&G would always be challenging. Firstly because I'm a boy, and girls seem less than keen on having boys examine their 'sensitive areas', least of all when there's something wrong with them, and secondly because my ex-girlfriend had excelled at O&G and, as my only reason for existence is to better her in every way possible, I HAD to succeed.
N.B. To those girls who think that boys enjoy looking at their 'bits' - We really don't, they're pretty minging at the best of times, and when there's goo coming out (and, in O&G there is ALWAYS goo coming out), well, it's not hard to keep those naughty thoughts hidden away. I assure you.
So, on the first day we are introduced to each other by the wonderful Dr Wonderful, who, upon learning I was putting on a show, even suggested the whole group came on an O&G trip (Reaction: Please god no, I'd rather die). We were all relieved to know that someone as lovely has her would be looking after us for the whole attachment.
Well until she went on holiday the following week.
And then left to work at a different hospital when she got back.
But this was fiiiiine as Dr Yettoexist would take over and provide a seamless transition for us when he was hired... eight weeks later.
We were then handed timetables of our allocated consultants' whereabouts at any given time and told to 'go forth into the hospital'. Little known to us was the fact that knowing where the consultants were did not necessarily mean that you were supposed to be there, which on retrospect might have been obvious in some cases '10:30-11:30pm Wife Shagging, 11:30pm - 6:00am Sleep'
Once we had established the things we were expected to attend then all was dandy. Well, except that the clinic you had cycled an hour to get in for was often cancelled. If it wasn't cancelled then 30 other students from other, bizarrely disparate, hospitals would have arrived before you and you'd be turned away. If, by some luck, neither situation occurred, and the clinic was your oyster, as it were, then you might get to see a patient - if they didn't turn you away because they were religious (which they sometimes were), under the age of 16 (which they worryingly often were) or were just plain stubborn (which they ALWAYS were).
Part 2 to come after I go to a lecture, or perhaps when I'm IN the lecture, because I'm that much of a rebel.
No comments:
Post a Comment