Merry Boxing Day, one and all.
I sit here on the sofa, breathing in the germs of my sickened mother and enjoying the warmth of the log burning stove as my brother photoshops pictures of us snowboarding (more on that to follow) and I think 'Oh No! What of all my blog reading compadres?! How will they have survived this long holiday period without the lush oasis of humour and wit that is my blog?'. Well here is your answer people. On the 2nd day of Chreestmas your true love wrote for you. A blog entry that doesn't rhyme.
News since the last blog?
Well the MINI arrived in all it's lesser sized glory. It is most beautiful and most fun to drive. It keeps me happy daily with thoughtful innovations that the Germans must have added during it's reincarnation from the original mini, such as brakes and steering but, mainly, it has a key-fob thing that you slid into the dashboard and a 'Stop/Start' button. A BUTTON! How awesome is that?! None of that obsolete key turning action for me, oh no, I just pushy pushy and it starty starty. Worth 14 THOUSAND POUNDS any day.
I still have no 3rd housemate, so life on the streets is looking ever more likely. Still at least I'm not like Ben Gray who is making an ill-advised move to the death-rink that is St Anne's in Nottingham in order to actually experience the suffering of the poor and drug dependant. I cannot decide whether to find this very noble or very stupid and I am inclined to go for the latter as he is likely to try cheering up the locals by an impromptu acoustic guitar set featuring songs such as 'God Loves you, so your shit lives aren't so bad' and 'We are all god's children, what I have is also yours'.
I'm taking bets as to how long it will take him to be killed and by which method. Though I do hope he isn't as his heart is in the right place, he's just deluded into believing in a higher power. And that happens to the best of people.
Though never me, never.
My last week in Nottingham was frantic and full of concerts. I had the Nottingham Arts Theatre Singers (Good Vibrations) concert first. Now the problems with the Nottingham Arts Theatre Singers (Good Vibrations) concert were multifactorial but included
1. Originally around 60 people (58 more than turned up to Songs For A New World) turned up to rehearsal, by the end there were about 6 and one of those was inside a uterus.
2. Due to the open nature of the group all levels of talent are allowed to join. Good for the community, bad for your ears.
3. Neither Nathan or I or the band had any time to rehearse before the concert and so we had no idea what we were doing.
4. Nathan, due probably to being a huge gay, hadn't procured any music for said band during the concert so they all had to read over my shoulder
5. There were grumpy old ladies in the audience who kept asking us questions like 'When are we starting, it's too crowded', 'Why is that guitarist so welsh' and 'What is pi to 45 digits'. I ended up getting grouchy with them and telling to 'go die already like your body wants you to'.
6. At no point did they sing 'Good Vibrations' or even make an attempt to.
Then there was the Note-ability concert.
Good points:
They are a very talented group and are very nice people too.
I got a swig of brandy in the interval.
They paid me money and gave me wine.
They sang an excellent variety of music to an amazing standard.
The conductor was a MILF.
Bad Points:
I suck at playing the piano.
They knew this.
It was embarrassing.
and finally the AGF Christmas. Thing.
We had basically no rehearsal for this but the organisers had shipped in some professional singers (a daughter of one and her friends) and so the quality of singing was brilliant! Furthermore I got to play 'You Got The Love' the 90s dance classic and it was awesome. However the last day was stressful due to losing my sustain pedal and having no keys to my house and no way to get to my house until around 15 minute before the concert. Sadly during the concert the stage light was shining directly INTO MY FACE so all i could see was the music on the BACK of the piece of paper I was looking at and I consequently sucked. Again.
So alot of sucking happened.
Fun times have been had since I returned to Debden for Christmassy fun. MacDuff! and Sam also came down for a few days and we went sledging and snowboarding out on one of the hills. I received several painful bruises and my nose has started bleeding every night, perhaps as a subtle hint that active sport is not for me. Nevertheless I decree that I should spend all my remaining savings (£2.50) on a skiing holiday this year so that I can learn to steer and then impress all the locals next year.
We also had a round of Betterwizzer, the worlds most complicated board game, that isn't really complicated at all but the instructions are written in 4pt font and took up a sheet of paper the size of Britain's national debt. In the 2,345 words of instructions only around 3 rules are outlined but it takes so long to read them that most people have given up on the whole idea of a board game and are attacking the brandy in the cabinet before you understand how to play. The best thing about this game is that Sam lost, and as Sam has never failed at anything in his entire life this made me feel better about myself. All I need now is for Dave to fail to attract a girl and it'll be like I'm not the biggest noob in the house.
Sadly that will never happen.
As for christmas day I got little sleep the night before because my brother had got pissed up down the local pub on 5% beer and ended up being sick in all corners of the house. Fortunately my gifts of socks, socks, socks, socks, 2 jumpers and £20,000 worth of Blu-Ray disks from MacDuff! soon woke me up and I was raring to go and start peeling potatoes at mum's boyfriends house. 4kg of peeled potatoes later we headed up to the lucks for Janebrøt and salmon. This is where the day started to go wrong; ordinarilly I'd gave about 4 glasses of champagne at the Lucks and then head to the pub and drink about 5 girly cocktails and then be sloshed for the christmas dinner where the inane banter of our respective families turnes into golden nougats of hilarity. For some reason, however, I remained sober this time and was pretty much ready to head off to bed at 2 in the afternoon out of a combination of no sleep and boredom.
Still, there was lots of food and food is good, as you can tell by the number of o's in there.
And that's more or less it.
Tomorrow: Off to Iains with the lovely Richard and lovelier (if that were possible) Aimee Hall then back to Nottingham for sitting alone in the cold with no food for 3 days before returning to Iains.
Speak soooooon.
Merry Christmaaaaas
xxxxxxxxxx
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